by Matt Mayer

Monday, September 10, 2007

NYC Gave Me PinkEye and OCD

I think this city is going to give me OCD. Not just any run of the mill OCD. Not that paranoid - lock - and - unlock - the - door - 8 - times - and - step - 4 - times - on - either - side - of - my - slippers - Jack - Nicholson - in - As - Good - As - It - Gets sort of OCD, but rather the germophobic type. I washed my hands already 3 times today (it's just past noon) and I haven't yet gone to the bathroom (just saying you can't say one or two of those don't count because I went to the bathroom).

Why? Why now? Because I have pink eye (I think). And I'm pretty sure it was caused by the old NYC germ delivery service known as my left hand. I have allergies, and my eyes itch, and I'm pretty sure I must've caused the inflammation of my left vision organ by inadvertently rubbing my eye repeatedly. Maybe one or more of those times my hand was carrying something that needed not be on the moist and vulnerable surface of one of my (mostly) internal organs. Other (mostly) internal organs include the nostrils and the belly button (it's deep). But I woke up with some crusties and pinkness and some swelling of the eyelid. I look like Rufus Sewell, which isn't so bad because he's sort of foxy with the ladies. But in my case it's a sign that something's not right.

It always bothers me when people have one eyelid more closed than others in pictures. Not in like family pictures, but in print. Most specifically when you're on a larger-than-life GAP ad, where your face is literally shown at 6 feet tall by 4 feet wide. That the photographer and printer had the nerve to choose a photograph that will be that large of somebody's face when one eyelid is clearly in the middle of a struggle, well it just burns my biscuits, that's all.

Maybe those celebrities have pink eye because they live in NYC and they're not paying attention like me. I'm paying attention now, NYC. You happy? Are you? Are you not entertained? Apologies for slipping into Russell Crowe for a minute there. His acting has always compelled me to quote him ironically.

Wash your hands people. But don't forget to use something like Aveeno Active Naturals Daily Moisturizing Lotion (fragrance free) afterwards, otherwise your hands will dry up like a salted slug.

That's all.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Labor Day! YAY!

Labor Day Weekend
by A Guy Wearing a White Shirt

Don't watch "The Ex" ... but watch "Hot Fuzz"

I reprised my role as Testudo the Terrapin this past weekend at the University of Maryland's sporting contest against Villanova (a.k.a. 'Nova) University. The sport, I believe, was football. I donned my outfit of fur and pleather, fiberglass and foam, and I showed the new members of the flock how it's done. I had forgotten how much I loved to go around in my shell and just let loose. It was really one of those cases where you don't know what you've got until it's gone and then you get it back again.

Life's been good to me lately. Other than hating my job of course. Can't win 'em all.

This is the dawn of a new era. I'll be blogging more regularly if I can just to keep myself writing. Because I can be a real slacker, and I should not slack at all let alone how much I do.

Much love.